How to write a bloody amazing book review

The perfect review: A smile that tells you all you need to
know about the book

THE question of how to write a book review arose after I saw some advice on the internet. Advice that was followed by messages from many people who had obviously found the guidance useful. It consisted of such things as:

• Sometimes you will need to include background to enable reader(s) to place the book into a specific context. For example, you might want to describe the general problem the book addresses or earlier work the author or others have done. 
• For a nonfiction book, provide an overview, including paraphrases and quotations, of the book's thesis and primary supporting points.
• For a work of fiction, briefly review the story line for readers, being careful not to give away anything that would lessen the suspense for readers. 
• Describe the book: Is it interesting, memorable, entertaining, instructive? Why?
• Respond to the author's opinions: What do you agree with? And why? What do you disagree with? And why?

And by this point I had nodded off. It struck me as tedious and as dull as the book reviews that would inevitably be produced by following such advice. So it got me thinking: How do you write a good book review and what's the purpose of a review anyway?

Bob Monkhouse's autobiography was reviewed in the East Anglian Daily Times in just four words: "Poor choice of subject".

"To tell people what you think of the book" I hear you say. But since most critics are unknown - and their opinion therefore worthless - that can't be a complete answer.


"To tell me briefly what the book is about so I can decide if I might buy it". But a synopsis (and now sample pages) are available on Amazon or the back cover of the book. 


So it still leaves that basic question unanswered: What is the point of a book review? It may remain unanswered for the moment but I'd suggest the review is more than just summarising the book and giving your views on it. For many critics a review is a 'clothes peg' on which personal views and thoughts can be hung - and for that reason knowing something about the critic and his background can be helpful.

Then I discovered ralphmag.org - an American website with some radical book reviews. A breath of fresh air in a world full of mind-numbingly, boring book reviews. And they included their own advice on writing a review - advice which should be shared with a wider audience. Enjoy...

• The text of the review should be written with simplicity and dignity, using the King's English. Avoid dangling participles, pretentious sentences, and show-off words. Be insightful, witty, reasoned, literate, and pithy. In all cases do not, repeat, do not put the editors to sleep with your words.
• We cannot tell you how long to make your review...that has to be a matter between you and the page, if not god.
• Our take on most book reviewers --- especially experienced ones --- is that they don't realize that the Standard, Reasoned, Thoughtful, Careful Book Review isn't worth reading; much less posting for the world to read.
• We want reviews that expose pomposity and arrogance and foolish pride, that expose the lack of grand writing and great plotting. We want our writers to scorn predictability and ridicule the turgid and the bombastic.
• At the same time, this is not a mere seek-and-destroy mission. We want reviews that praise the true artist --- lauding the known and the unknown with equal fervor. We want our reviewers to search out honest, rich and insightful literature --- to describe it with words that are, in themselves, art.
• To see how not to write, study the book review sections of most U. S. dailies. After some time, you will see that their reviewers are scared of something: perhaps, of being original, or alive, or funny...or, at best, being smart-ass.

Amen to all that.